December 5: Talking with Children About Technology

In November I participated in a panel about teenagers and technology. Participants asked a wide variety of interesting and important questions which inspired me write to you today about practical strategies parents can employ to support healthy family communication about technology.

To frame this topic, I encourage you to develop a mindset in which you view communication about technology as a series of ongoing, low-key conversations. This topic is broad and complex, and discussions will change as your child grows, develops, and is exposed to new types of technology. As with dialogue about other important and tricky topics, the goal is to keep lines of communication open by talking about technology often and gently andconsistently infusing your values into these conversations.

When feasible, rather than talking directly about your child’s use of technology, use information about third parties to frame discussions. Many children find it more comfortable to engage in a conversation about a peer rather than talking directly about themselves. For example, if your child tells you about a classmate who wrote something hurtful in a group chat, this provides a jumping off point for a conversation about digital citizenship without speaking directly about your child’s behavior and choices. Similarly, if you are watching a show where a character faces a tricky situation related to technology, this presents an opportunity to talk about responsible online behavior without tying the discussion directly to your child.

When you are talking about tech with your child, set an intention of leading with curiosity. Throughout the course of a typical week, your child is absorbing a great deal of information about technology, gaming, social media, AI, etc.  It is understandable that parents feel pressure to warn children about the potential pitfalls related to technology and electronic communication. Whenever possible, resist the temptation to lecture or slip into teaching mode. Instead, at least some of the time try to shift your perspective to one of learning alongside your child, such as by periodically having them show you why they like a particular game or app. Develop a habit of asking open-ended, nonjudgemental questions such as:

• “What do you like best about that game?”

• “If you were designing a game, what features would you be sure to include?”

• “How does that app compare with ____ app? What would you say are the pros and cons of each of those apps?”

• “What do you think makes this chatbot so compelling?”

• “What have your teachers said about using AI for school assignments? Do you think everyone is following those rules? What do you think about that?”

  
  

Thinking about how technology impacts child safety and child development can feel overwhelming. It makes sense that many parents feel stressed about this topic.Remember to treat yourself gently if a particular interaction doesn’t go well. Considering conversations about tech as an ongoing series of touchpoints provides a reminder that you can always circle back to a topic another day, try a different approach, or simply say to your child, “That didn’t go well. I’m sorry. I’m trying not to be judgmental about this topic but, as you can see, that’s a work in progress.”