Dr. Rachel Kramer


 
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Parent Coach
Speaker
 

Recently a parent in my practice asked me how to respond when a child is really stuck – digging in their heels and being insistent that a situation must proceed a certain way.This conversation prompted me to send a lightly edited version of a previous newsletter about tug-of-war moments: times when a child is holding on tight to a belief or behavior, desperate to protect their ground and unwilling to give up an inch. One of the things that can be baffling about this type of p

After I sent my last newsletter I received a follow-up question from a reader. She asked whether it is realistic to expect a 5 year-old child to be able to engage in independent problem solving. This parent noted that when she encourages her child to solve problems on her own, her child becomes very frustrated. She wanted to know whether she was asking too much of her child and she also asked for tips for developing problem solving skills in a child of this age. This question

Now that we’re a few weeks into the school year, some caregivers may notice that when their child gets off the bus or walks in the door at the end of the day they immediately download the most negative part(s) of their day. Children may report on circumstances as wide-ranging as a classmate saying something unkind, a situation in which they didn’t understand the directions for an assignment, or a time when they were paired with a non-preferred partner for a group project. Whe

For many families, the beginning of a new school year brings both excitement and nervous anticipation about all of the changes that happen in early September. We expect children to feel a wide array of emotions during this time of transition, and many children also exhibit increased emotional and/or behavioral dysregulation. I have written before about helping your child build a toolbox of coping strategies to manage intense moments. Another powerful tool for supporting chi

Often in mid to late August I find that parents in my practice are experiencing a tension between wanting to soak up every minute of the final weeks of summer and needing to look ahead to plan for the start of the school year. An important piece of this planning is for parents to think about family sleep habits and how to encourage healthy sleep schedules for the upcoming school year, particularly because of the important role that sleep plays in supporting social and emotion

In June, I often have conversations with children and parents in my practice about goal setting for the summer. This year in particular, a lot of caregivers are talking about how to support the development of independence in their children. Over the past couple of years, so much has been written about how adults should be monitoring children’s online activity more closely while offering them opportunities to function more autonomously in the real world. Often individuals givi

A frequent topic that arises in my conversations with parents is how to help children build skills for managing big feelings. Throughout childhood and adolescence, we want to help children learn to identify their emotions and to develop a toolbox of adaptive coping skills to help them manage challenging emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness, jealousy, or anxiety. When children are upset or stressed, adults often encourage them to take deep breaths or engage in some o

Recently a parent asked me about how to respond when they are leaving an activity or event where their child has been smiling, laughing, and displaying other signs of enjoying themselves, and on the way home their child says something akin to, “Why did you even make me go to that. It was stupid,” or “I hated that _____ [playdate, activity, gathering]. I’m not going back there.” Often in a situation like this, caregivers are tempted to do one of two things. Either parents ask

Recently I was talking with a friend about how she is coping with some stressful life events and she replied, “Honestly, some of the time I’ve just been compartmentalizing. Don’t judge me!” We chuckled and then continued to talk about everything that has been happening in her life. As part of our conversation, I reassured her that compartmentalization can be a healthy coping mechanism. All humans need to develop a variety of resources for coping with challenging life circumst

Each year at the start of spring I find myself talking with caregivers about screen time. This year in New England we experienced a particularly cold and snowy winter, and with the gradual return of warmer weather many families I work with have been re-evaluating patterns of screen use. Spring is an ideal time for families to assess and update their screen policies and to consider a screen time re-set, so I’m sending a lightly edited version of a previous newsletter about thi

A couple of weeks ago I led a workshop about values-based parenting for a group of caregivers with children ranging in age from preschool through young adulthood. We had an extensive conversation about a broad range of topics, and one of the questions a parent asked has stayed with me. She noted that there are times that she is faced with a situation in life (such a being cut off by another driver) or something that she hears in the news that causes her distress. Her impressi

A couple of weeks ago I taught a parenting workshop at a preschool about social and emotional development. During the presentation I explained that the line between fantasy and reality is fluid for young children, particularly children 4 and under, and they are not able to distinguish between real and pretend . For example, we expect young children to believe that inanimate objects have thoughts and feelings, and young preschoolers may feel unsure about whether a scary charac

In January I met with a group of preschool teachers to talk about supporting social and emotional growth and emotion regulation in the classroom. This amazing group of teachers shared so many thoughtful comments and observations, and over the past couple of weeks I have continued to reflect on many different aspects of our conversation. Today I’m sharing one of the strategies we discussed in the training. An important component of emotion regulation is emotional awareness. A

A topic that comes up on a regular basis in my practice is what to do about explosive moments when a child says something extreme such as, “I wish I wasn’t part of this family,” “You’re the worst parent ever,” or “I hate you.” I have written about this before, and today I thought it would be useful to circle back to this topic and suggest some effective ways to manage a moment when a child says something that feels really awful to hear. Today’s newsletter will mostly focus o

Several years ago, I shared my family’s favorite version of year-end reflection: our New Year’s Eve Survey . Today I’m sharing a lightly edited version of a previous newsletter describing this tradition. The New Year’s Eve survey is a fun and flexible tradition that can grow with your family . If you have babies, toddlers, or preschoolers at home, adults can answer the questions and reflect on the year. Once children are in mid-elementary school, they can join in and, perhaps

In November I participated in a panel about teenagers and technology. Participants asked a wide variety of interesting and important questions which inspired me write to you today about practical strategies parents can employ to support healthy family communication about technology . To frame this topic, I encourage you to develop a mindset in which you view communication about technology as a series of ongoing, low-key conversations . This topic is broad and complex, and dis

As we enter the second half of November, I have been thinking about setting intentions for the holiday season . Family holiday celebrations can be wonderful, complicated, fun, and messy all at the same time. It can be useful for parents to spend time prior to the holiday season thinking about their own priorities and expectations . If this idea appeals to you, devote some time to thinking about your personal objectives for the upcoming holiday season. If you are parenting wit

Last week I gave a talk to a group of parents about helping children build skills to manage stress and worries. During the Q&A at the end of the presentation, a parent asked a question about a topic that has been dominating her social media feed. This question reminded me of the many conversations I have with parents about how to evaluate parenting resources that they find online . There is a staggering amount of content about parenting available to caregivers including boo

Now that most families have settled into their school year routines, a frequent topic of conversation in my practice is trouble-shooting...

Over the past week I have heard from parents of children of all ages about struggles with emotion regulation at the end of the school day...