August 12: Planning Ahead for Fall Activities

In mid to late August, I often have conversations with parents about decision-making regarding extracurricular activities for the upcoming school year. Parents wonder about the ideal number of activities to commit to, the optimal balance of activities, how much down time to build into the schedule for the upcoming school year, and how to avoid the pitfall of screens dominating the time between the end of school and dinnertime.

If you are grappling with some of these questions, I recommend that you begin by considering your family’s values. Take some time to reflect on the ways that decisions about after-school and weekend activities intersect with the values that are most important to your family. For example, if your family is focused on building community you may decide to target activities that take place within your town, or if an important value is supporting family connectedness you may choose to limit activities that disrupt family dinner time.

As a parallel process, consider your family’s schedule, budget, and availability of adults to transport children to and from activities at various times. Creating a schedule that takes these practical considerations into account will hopefully alleviate some stress for caregivers and will help provide clarity about what is realistic and possible for the upcoming school year. In addition, a significant piece of this decision-making process involves talking with your child about their interests and possibly making some tough decisions about which activities to prioritize. These conversations will vary depending on your child’s age and developmental stage. While it’s important for a middle school student to have a good deal of agency over their activities and schedule, parents will be the primary decision-makers for selecting activities for a kindergarten-aged child.

Similarly, think about each child in your family and evaluate the ways that individual goals regarding children’s social and emotional development relate to decisions about extracurricular activities. For example, if your goal is to support development of social skills and social connection you might encourage your child to join a group activity that involves working together towards a shared goal such as a team sport, theater, or robotics. If your child is naturally more sedentary you may prioritize adding physical activity to their schedule by signing up for swim lessons, rock climbing, or parkour.

Following all of this reflection, how should parents optimize decision-making regarding extracurricular activities? The answer to this question brings to mind one of my favorite pieces of parenting advice: be a student of your child. That is, observe your child as they are right now, in this particular moment of development. Think about your child’s temperament, stage of development, and life circumstances. Try to set aside notions of what was true for siblings, cousins, or friend’s children at this age, and do your best to separate out your wishes or expectations regarding what you thought your child might be like at this age versus who they actually are.

Keep in mind that the optimal structure of extracurricular activities will vary from child to child and may be different for an individual child across different school years. I have known children who thrived on the structure and engagement of having multiple after school commitments each week and others who have done best with a slow ramp up, perhaps starting the year with a single extracurricular commitment and lots of time set aside for engaging in free play, then adding a bit more structure during the shorter, colder days of winter.

I have also known plenty of families who made what they thought was the best possible plan in August only to find that, once the school year began, they had either over or under committed and needed to re-group a few weeks into the school year. If this happens to you, please be kind and forgiving with yourself and your child. Try to view the situation as a way to model both flexibility and self-forgiveness.