February 10: A Simple Tool to Build Emotional Awareness

In January I met with a group of preschool teachers to talk about supporting social and emotional growth and emotion regulation in the classroom. This amazing group of teachers shared so many thoughtful comments and observations, and over the past couple of weeks I have continued to reflect on many different aspects of our conversation. Today I’m sharing one of the strategies we discussed in the training.

An important component of emotion regulation is emotional awareness. A simple tool for building emotional awareness is to periodically pause throughout the day to take note of how your body feels and what emotion(s) you are experiencing. Intentionally stopping for a moment to focus on your body and your emotions increases self-awareness and can help you pay more attention to the relationship between your thoughts, your feelings, and your behavior.

If you think it would be helpful, one way to reinforce this practice is to set a reminder on your phone at a couple of random times throughout the day to prompt you to take a moment to pause and pay attention to your physical and emotional state. Some people find it helpful to ask themselves a few structured questions, such as:

• What is my body feeling right now?

• What emotion(s) am I experiencing?

• Can I identify why I’m feeling this way at this particular time?

• If I’m feeling tension or discomfort (either physical or psychological), is there something small I can do to make a shift?

Strategies for shifting the situation may involve making a small physical change such as squeezing and releasing muscles; taking a couple of slow, deep breaths; or taking a drink of water. Alternatively, shifting the situation may involve using a cognitive strategy such as repeating a helpful word or phrase to yourself (“Focus on the present,” or “Control the controllables”), turning your attention to one of your senses (What are 5 things I can see in my environment?), or thinking about one thing you are looking forward to in the coming days.

Over time, the practice of focusing on how you are feeling a few times a day will likely become more automatic, so that even without a prompt or reminder you may find yourself being more attuned to your own physical and emotional states and how they fluctuate throughout the course of a day or a week. If it feels comfortable, consider ‘sportscasting’ and talking out loud as you engage in this process so that you can model building emotional awareness for your children:

• “I had a stressful day at work and I’m noticing that I’m clenching my jaw. I think I’ll feel better if a take a deep breath and try to relax.”

• “I’m so excited that we’re going sledding. I can’t stop smiling.”

Being open with children about the fact that building emotion regulation skills is a work-in-progress for children and adults reinforces the value and importance of this process.