June 6: Are Feelings Contagious?

Recently, a child in my practice asked me such an interesting question: “Dr. Rachel, are feelings contagious?” I asked for a little more information, and the child explained, “Sometimes when my brother is annoyed, then I feel annoyed even if one minute before I was happy.” I was so impressed with this child’s ability to succinctly summarize the phenomenon of emotional contagion, when a person’s emotional state can be influenced by the feelings and reactions of people surrounding them.

During times of transition, before vacations and particularly at the end of the school year, I find it so helpful to talk with children about the fact that people can be influenced by the emotions exhibited by their peers. I like to explain that this can be true for both positive emotions, such as catching the excitement when spending time with someone who is eagerly anticipating a fun event, and for more challenging emotions, such as feeling tense after spending time with a person who is stressed.

As the school year draws to a close, consider talking with your child about emotional contagion. You might begin by offering a bit of information, and then express curiosity about your child’s experience. For example,

• “At the end of the school year, some kids might be feeling extra silly or excited. Have you noticed that?”

• “This is a time of year when kids might be having lots of different feelings about the end of school. What do you think that’s like for kids in your class?”

We want children to know that a person’s emotions can be influenced by the emotions of people around them, and this is not in and of itself a problem. It is simply a fact of human development. By sharing this information with your child, you can help them learn to increase self-awareness and make more conscious choices if they find themselves swept up in a peer’s emotions. I find it particularly helpful for children to practice a few simple self-talk scripts to coach themselves through a moment when they feel themselves being swayed by a friend’s emotional response, such as:

• “Wait. I need to think about what my body is telling me.”

• “People are having a lot of big feelings. I’m going to take a break and get a drink of water.”

• “This is tricky, but it’s ok for me to have different feelings than my friend.”

In addition to helping children pay attention to their own feelings and reactions, consider offering a gentle reminder about your family’s values such as:

• “There are so many exciting things happening at the end of the school year. It’s fun to be excited, and it’s also important to be respectful to your teachers, even when you’re having lots of feelings about the end of the year.”

• “I hear you saying that lots of kids made a plan to bring their squishmallows to class today. I get that this sounds fun, but our family is going to continue to respect the rule about no toys at school even during the last week of school.”

  
  

There is so much more to say on this topic, but my goal was to keep today’s newsletter (relatively) short out of respect for the fact that this a very busy time of year for most families. If you are up for more reading, check out my newsletter from June 2024: Building Independence and Autonomy, and my newsletter from June 2023: Managing Family Jobs and Responsibilities.